


Are You Lonely?

by Elle0555



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-31
Updated: 2015-05-30
Packaged: 2018-04-02 02:41:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4042642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elle0555/pseuds/Elle0555
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aaron ends things with Robert for good, but can he really move on without him?<br/>Will Robert begin to see the impact of his actions and how they start to effect Aaron?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Are You Lonely?

**Author's Note:**

> Credit goes to the amazing Marie for coming up with the title.  
> Thank you Lovely.

AARON

It's been 2 weeks since I last heard from Robert. After the night he drunkenly kissed me, I just realized I couldn't do it anymore. I guess it must of been a goodbye and that's why I let him do it. I finished it the next day for good this time and it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I wanted to stay with him I really did, but something in the back of my mind kept telling me to end it before it was too late and I really got hurt. I needed to distance myself from him. I wasn't ready to let go, but I had no choice. I couldn't expect him to leave Chrissie when doesn't know what he really wants. As tempting as that prospect was it would never become a reality. And I didn't want him to end up resenting me. I don't hate him like I thought I would. I don't think about anything else though. All that goes through my mind is memories of him and how much he means to me. I just miss him and everything we shared.

All I do these days is work in the garage. I left the scrap yard, I just couldn't handle being there everyday it reminded me of Robert. Adam's not spoken to me since. He said I let him down and I'm good for nothing. Well, that's partly true, but he doesn't know everything or the real reason why I left. I can't even run to relieve stress or anxiety. My ankle is better, but still pretty sore sometimes and although I can walk on it unaided now. Running is a long way off. Not that my mum would let me go running. I just want something to help keep me from getting agitated at the slightest thing. My mood is constantly low and I snap so easily these days. I'm scared one day I'll pick up a razor and I won't be strong enough to put it back down until I've done harm to myself and hit rock bottom. I know I'm slowly heading that way again and as much as I don't want to, it might be the only thing that keeps my mind sane from all these thoughts.

ROBERT

I've not slept in 2 weeks. My mind is racing 24/7 and I swear I'm losing my good looks through all the stress. How can this happen to me? I've lost Aaron for good this time I just know it. The day after I got drunk and kissed him will stick with me forever and not for the right reasons. I was like a shadow of my former self. Chrissie is definitely picking up on it and to make matters worse, I can't even sleep in the same bed as her without picturing Aaron lying beside me. Everything is shit. I just don't care about anything anymore. Don't get me wrong, I love her but am I really in love with her. Theirs a big difference between the two and I can't work out which one is the truth.

He's not even in the scrap yard anymore, so I can't even use work as an excuse to see him. Why did he end things with me. Well, I know why he did, but it doesn't make things easier and it doesn't stop it hurting. What I would do just to see him right now standing in front of me. I miss those blue eyes and that moody attitude of his. I miss everything about him. And if it's even possible I love him more and more with each passing day. I want to focus on my marriage, but that's pretty hard when I don't even want sex with my own wife. That's just another thing to add on to the pile of crap that's turning into my life and I'm sick of it, I just want to run away kidnapping Aaron in the process.

I feel like my head's going to explode any day now. I'm juggling so many secrets I'm surprised I haven't slipped up. With Aaron I lived a double life. Without Aaron, I'm living no life. How does that make any sense. He's the only who understands me and knows everything I've done. Well, almost everything. I could never tell him about hiring a hit man to kill his mum. Then calling said hit man off just in the nick of time. Anything else I've done, though he knows about. If I told Chrissie everything about me she'd call a hit on me and she'd make sure he finished the job.

Why am I so messed up? Why have I got a history of hurting people. I'm not proud of myself. I should probably be behind bars. It would destroy me, but at least id be able to start fresh with a clear conscious. I don't think I could handle it though. People who look as good as me are not cut out for prison life. Well, who used to look as good as me. I would blame Aaron for my deteriorating good looks, but it's all my own doing.

AARON

I feel so alone. I've got no one to talk to. Apart from my mum. But she's so happy about me and Robert ending things she would just belittle him because she thinks it's what I want to hear. I can't remember my life before Robert. It sounds so stupid, consider its only been a few months since he came back to the village. Why did he ever come back? The stuff we've been through in such a small space of time. And now its like our relationship never happened. And the bad memories are outweighing the good.

He's probably moved on by now. He's still got Chrissie. He did seem generally shocked when I told him it was over though. He didn't want to accept it. And I think he thought id go running back by now. But I've stayed true to my word, although it's killing me inside. The only thing that's stopping me going back is the same thing that's keeping me away. I don't want to ruin his life anymore and as much as I dislike the fact he's with Chrissie and she's got him all to herself. I just feel sorry for her. After all She's done nothing to me.

Am I ever going to be free of him? And everything we shared together. I'm pretty shocked he hasn't tried to worm his way back in though. Maybe in the end he agreed it was for the best. Robert's lost nothing. He still has someone to talk with, someone to love. I'm just alone and struggling to move on. After everything with Jackson I knew love could hurt and it could be messy and destructive. And I swore to myself I never wanted to feel that again. But I broke my promise to myself and as much as I tried not to I fell in love with Robert and its like my heart is being pulled from my chest piece by piece. It hurts more than I ever thought it could and theirs only one thing I'm thinking about right now that I know will temporarily take the pain away.

**Author's Note:**

> Will continue if anyone enjoyed reading. :)  
> Find me on Tumblr :missme033.tumblr.com


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